From the Subconscious of Dr. Sigmund Freud
(Father of Psychoanalysis, Hater of TikTok, Currently Chain-Smoking in the Afterlife)

To the self-proclaimed parenting experts, mommyfluencers, gentle-parenting evangelists, and algorithm-fueled life coaches responsible for the content posted under the unholy banner of #MommyTok,

It has come to my deeply unsettled attention that my work, theories, and name have been repurposed—not for academic exploration or therapeutic insight—but for TikTok videos where lipstick-smudged mothers analyze their toddlers’ “daddy issues” in between brand deals and nervous breakdowns.

Let me be excruciatingly clear: when I explored the Oedipus complex, I was not suggesting that three-year-olds are in love with their fathers, plotting the slow emotional demise of their mothers, and vying for dominance over the family pet. I was describing unconscious developmental theory, not encouraging a thirst-trap montage set to Lana Del Rey.

The following must cease immediately:

• Stop calling your infant son a “little gaslighter with mommy’s abandonment issues.”

• Desist from using my name in captions like “Freud would’ve LOVED my clingy baby 💅.”

• Remove any and all TikToks where you analyze your toddler’s snack preferences through a psychosexual lens.

Also, to the woman who said, “My baby chose violence—he definitely has unresolved Freud trauma”: Madam. He is a baby. He has no object permanence. He is not haunted by my ghost. Yet.

If you insist on bastardizing psychoanalysis for content, I suggest you redirect your energy to something more appropriate—perhaps Jung. He loved nonsense. Or at least, he didn’t mind it dressed in crystals and cosmic delusion.

Failure to comply will result in intrusive dreams, misplaced toys, and your child developing a sudden, inexplicable interest in Victorian-era German philosophers. You will regret it.

Respectfully disturbed,
Dr. Sigmund Freud
Founder of Psychoanalysis, Dream Interpreter, and Absolutely Not Your Parenting Coach