CEASE & DESIST NOTICE
From the Ghost of Nikola Tesla
(Inventor, Visionary, Pigeon Enthusiast, and Now Unwilling Symbol of Tech-Fueled Perversion)

To the users, moderators, lurkers, and—may the gods of science forgive me—content creators involved in the grotesque digital cesspool known as the Tesla Car Sex Mode Subreddit,

I, Nikola Tesla—genius of alternating current, father of modern electricity, and socially anxious wizard of the late 19th century—have arisen from my spectral slumber to deliver one simple, crackling message:

Stop having sex in machines named after me.

You must understand: when I dreamed of a world powered by radiant energy and brilliant minds, I did not envision Elon Musk rebranding my legacy into a joyride for horny tech bros and their deeply uncomfortable partners. Nor did I ever anticipate my name being casually invoked in sentences such as:

“Tesla’s auto-pilot lets me focus on other things 😏 if you know what I mean.”

I do. And I hate that I do.

Effective immediately, you are to cease and desist from:

• Filming OnlyFans content in Model 3s using the “Romance Mode” fireplace as mood lighting.

• Posting phrases like “I put the ‘AC’ in ‘auto-carnal.’”

• Referring to your self-driving vehicle as “my electric dom.”

I created tools to elevate mankind—not to enable synchronized thrusting at 70 mph. My wireless energy towers were built to bring free power to the people, not to light up your backseat debauchery like a budget brothel in the future I never asked for.

If you do not comply, be warned: I will haunt your firmware updates. Your GPS will reroute you to existential despair. Your speakers will only play Gregorian chanting at full volume. Your next roadside emergency will involve pigeons.

And I will send lightning. I’ve done it before.

Discharged with disgust,
Nikola Tesla
Inventor, Electrical Prophet, Absolutely Not the Patron Saint of Roadside Erotica