CEASE & DESIST NOTICE
From the Spirit of Miss Jane Austen
(Novelist, Social Satirist, Undisputed Queen of the Smackdown via Subtext)

To the cosplayers, roleplayers, content creators, and aggressively breathy TikTokers who have declared themselves “in their Regency romance era,”

It has become painfully apparent that you are using my literary legacy—not to honor the elegance of language, the brilliance of subtle courtship, or the power of social commentary—but to stage elaborately choreographed thirst traps in empire-waist gowns while whispering “Mr. Darcy…” into your phone microphones like it’s a bloody séance.

You have, without consent or comprehension, transformed my carefully constructed narratives into:

• Softcore fanfiction with corsets.

• Romantic reenactments where the male lead is played by your ring light and a pillow named “Fitz.”

• “Bespoke immersive experiences” where strangers slow dance to Billie Eilish while pretending they can’t touch hands.

No. Absolutely not.

This is a cease and desist on the following:

• Referring to your bedroom as “the drawing room of my desires.”

• Reenacting Pride & Prejudice scenes with dialogue replaced by moaning.

• Selling mugs that say “I only simper for Darcy.”

You have not created romantic fantasy. You have created a fever dream in lace. I did not endure the social constraints of the 18th century, nor the agony of male editors, simply so that you could film yourself fake-fainting into a chaise lounge and caption it “Darcy just left me on read.”

If you persist, I will see to it that:

• Your petticoats forever itch.

• Your TikTok drafts are lost to the void.

• Every future romantic partner refuses to read, watch, or acknowledge Pride & Prejudice.

And I will possess your body just long enough to revise your scripts for punctuation.

Yours in literary exhaustion,
Jane Austen
Novelist, Observer of Fools, Not Your Fantasy Boyfriend’s Creator