Mahmoud Darwish — they asked ‘do you love her to death?’ I said, speak of her over my grave and watch how she brings me back to life.
“Let’s make memories,” she told him.
He nodded.
“Let’s make memories,” he agreed.
He hugged her close as they stood looking out across the lakefront.
It was the last of their vacations together, the first of many as a family of three. She was pregnant. She’d told him with a steady strong voice and trembling hands.
He hadn’t quite believed it. She’d been too calm.
She’d showed him the tests too, all five of them laid out in some parallel parade of their apparent fertility.
He was speechless, grabbing her hand, more in surprise than support but she let him.
They’d been mostly silent since, deciding to take a walk, for the fresh air.
Her declaration was a familiar one; a phrase she started using early on in their relationship, the moment he knew he wanted to marry her.
Right, marriage. How had he let this happen? Would he really wait any longer? She was pregnant, she wasn’t going to go anywhere was she?
He wasn’t going to take it for granted. She only used that phrase on occasions of mortal awareness, a very mild and poignant grasp for the present moment. Some people lugged camera equipment everywhere, a digital device never too far away. It had been five years and my love, she still planned us vacations, found the most interesting spots, fascinating experiences to take part in and would look at me at the beginning of every trip and say, ‘Lets make memories.’
By now he knew what she meant. Every moment was just theirs together. They never had to look back at it from the future, or try to capture it or share it for some type of validation. It was powerfully grounding.
‘Lets make memories’, she said; a whole baby, a human, someone who wouldn’t remember everything.
A single tear fell from his eyes unbidden. It was a new beginning but a mourning loss too. Lets make memories, she said; They’d hardly ever get that chance again just the two of them. A part of him railed internally at his laidback pace. She stood by him, so he never felt the need to fight for anything just theirs, but now, now she said ‘lets make memories’ and he knew it would never mean the same thing again as it did yesterday. What else was he taking for granted?
– Arekahs